It is because I never suspected, when I was a blissfully unaware non-parent, that nursing one’s offspring would come inconveniently packaged with a whole bunch of misinformed, unsolicited mis- advice from well-intentioned loved ones and strangers alike.
As seems to be the case with many things, parenting was very much a “figure it out as we go” process, despite my attempts to be prepared beforehand. Who knew poop could shoot up to baby’s armpits? Wanting to be constantly held, literally 24 hours a day – apparently that was reasonable, according to my red-faced progeny. Razor-sharp fingernails that mysteriously regenerated moments after I snipped them – normal! Nursing whenever baby wanted, wherever baby wanted, for as many years as baby wanted? That was also a revelation for me as the months rolled by, but it turns out that it was the most reassuring, calming and heartwarming one. As I responded to my baby’s cues by nursing on demand, I realised I was doing precisely what he wanted: fulfilling his needs and desires. Soon, his needs widened to include needing to play on swings, needing to “vroom” his toys, needing to eat an unbroken banana (beware the fool who tried to helpfully break my son’s food into more manageable bites), and yet he continued to need one of the most primal and basic needs of all: comfort at the breast. I had originally told myself I would nurse him at least until he was a year old. That seemed like a nice whole number to wrap up with. As the months went on, though, it became clear my son would never willingly choose to wean at that age. Okay, maybe until two years old then. When that milestone came around, I still didn’t see the point in forcing him to quit something as wholesome and loving as hugging or cuddles. I learned that breastfeeding beyond two years is supported by many health authorities, but this news seems not to have filtered down to the rest of society yet. Here are some actual comments I have received, some from medical professionals: “You should stop nursing when he has teeth.” “You should stop when he’s old enough to ask for it.” “Isn’t it weird to nurse him, since he’s so old?” “Breastmilk no longer has nutritional benefits at that age.” “You’re nursing for your own pleasure.” People can say what they want. More often than not, they mean well, and before I had children I may have agreed with them. I remember once raising my eyebrows at a friend’s wife who nursed a four-year old, and also seeing that infamous Time Magazine cover and thinking, “That lady nursing her three-year-old is so weird.” And guess what ... I became a lady who nursed her three-year-old. I suspect my son would still be nursing, had he not self-weaned during my second pregnancy when my milk reduced in volume. I sincerely hope that my daughter will able to nurse as long as she wants and that she will be able to remember nursing. I learned how to be a breastfeeding mother. I learned how to roar in defence of a relationship that I value. Most importantly, I learned the beautifully simplistic golden rule that, in my opinion, underpins successful breastfeeding: trust your body and trust your baby. Close to the Heart Vol. 20, No. 1 (Early-Year 2019) Comments are closed.
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